Roses
by FandomGumdrops
Summary: You stand with ten red roses. They remind you of her; soft, silky, and red. Just the one thought makes your stomach churn. You didn't want to be here, not so soon after the incident. Your eyes burn at that. You bend down and lay the ten roses in front of the stone and then you sink to your knees and you put your head in your hands and your throat burns from tears because you know.
1. Roses

You stand with ten red roses. They remind you of her; soft, silky, and red. Just the one thought makes your stomach churn. You didn't want to be here, not so soon after the _incident_. Your eyes burn at that. You bend down and lay the ten roses in front of the stone and then you sink to your knees and you put your head in your hands and your throat burns from tears because you _know_. You know there's no way you can undo what has been done. you should've been there for her.

_She called out your name but you were to busy fighting to even wonder why she called your name but then you heard her cry of pain and you turn around faster than you could even comprehend. You watch as she falls to the ground and your running before you realize it and as the dust clears you see it. It's the blood first, mixing with her hair, then it's the stab wound in her abdomen. You rush to her side and you try to use iratzes but they just won't work. You try and try and try and there's so much blood and it's mixing with your tears but you just can't accept whats about to happen. What _does _happen. _

Her eyes reminded you of grass in the summer. They were always alight and full of wonder and mischief. They always told what she was hiding. She was never a good liar. Her hair was like a flame. Untamable. It seemed to glowed in the sunset, or wherever you were really. You loved to run your fingers through it. You can remember in nights when you would comfort her after she had a nightmare. You would run your fingers through her untamable flame and whisper comforting words in her ear as you lulled her to a dreamless sleep. You wouldn't be able to do that again, you were living your own nightmare and all you wanted was for her to run her artist's fingers through your hair and for her to tell you this was all a nightmare and that she wouldn't leave me. But she did.

_You call for Magnus, for Isabelle, for Alec, anybody but they do not come and your hopes and dreams are shattered. All you can do is sit there with your hands against her wound, trying to stop the bleeding and your staring at her beautiful green eyes, watching as the life slips out of them. She puts her hand to your cheek and you lean into her touch because you know it's the only thing keeping you grounded. "It's okay, you're okay." She murmurs as if I will ever okay without her. "No it's not. You're supposed to live, please stay, please." Your voice breaking at the end. "Jace…" She whispers and her hand goes limp and falls to the ground as her eyes close for the last time, never to be opened again. "Clary?" You say as you try to shake the life back into her halfheartedly. "Clary?" You ask again, completely broken. Then you sob and you cry your heart out because you know she'll never reply again. _

_When the people you called for finally arrive through the debris of the battle, you're a sobbing mess. Isabelle drops down to her knees next to you and covers her mouth with her hands. Alec puts a hand on your shoulder as a sign of comfort but the only comfort you want and need is from the lifeless body you're gripping tightly. You shrug his hand off your shoulder and cry even harder into the chest of _her_. Magnus can only stare in disbelief. "I love you. I love you so much." You whispered into her ear as your tears made trails down her neck._

_You remember a week before it happened. She had said that she loved you and that she promised she wasn't going anywhere and that she would always be with you. She lied though. She said she wouldn't leave but she did. It hurt, it really did. To have the one you love tell lies right in front of your face. "You promised. You broke that promise and lied. YOU LIED TO ME, YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GOING TO LEAVE ME BUT YOU DID." You yell at the stone slab. You put your forehead against the stone and you close your eyes and you try to relive all of your memories with her because that's all you have left, memories. You know those memories will soon fade and become noting but dull senses. Her eyes might be the same in your memories and her hair might not either. _

You pull back from the stone and read the words engraved in it.

_Here lies Clarissa Morgenstern_

_August 1991-January 2015_

_Family, Friend, Lover,_

_Always Remembered_

You read them over and over. Like it might be some cruel joke. But this was no joke. A gravestone only made it official, that the only one you let your walls down for was lying in a coffin six feet under. You lightly touch the ground as if you touch it to roughly it will break. "Oh Clary, I miss you." You whisper. You look back at the ten roses that you nestled in front of the gravestone. Each rose for each time you've told her you loved her. You wish you told her more.

The funeral was mostly silent. You and the others figured she would've wanted to be buried like a mundane. Not many people gave a speech, all of us wrapped in our own grief. At the time you could barely walk up to her coffin and look at her face for the last time. Jocelyn couldn't even walk up there. After the funeral they all went home but you stayed until they finished burying her completely. There was a dull ache in your chest that stayed after the funeral.

Your body feels numb. The more you stay here, the more empty and utterly alone you feel. It's sunset when you decide to go home. You lay a kiss on the stone slab. A single tear falls from your eye as you walk away from the gravestone, her, grief, and the ten roses.


	2. Stages

**I decided to make this a bunch of angst one-shots. Don't really have a schedule for when they might come out, just really when I have inspiration or a prompt. If you have a prompt and you feel it will fit the types of fanfics I write, comment please! It would really help. POV is Jace by the way.**

**Constructive criticism is always welcome. Thanks!**

**I recommend listening to: **

**Fix You by Coldplay**

**The Scientist by Coldplay**

**Youth by Daughter**

_1. Denial_

She couldn't be dead. The bundle of joy I knew so well. She'd said she'll be right back. Clary just couldn't be gone. I need her so much. Those bright green eyes couldn't have become dull.

That fiery red hair could not have become dim. I refuse to believe my beautiful Clary was killed.

I know it's not good to believe false hope but it's all the emotional support I have. I don't even want to move. I don't know what I'll do without her. But she's not gone. This is some twisted prank and in a minute Clary will come out her hiding spot and say she got me good and she would smile and laugh and just _be Clary. _

I refuse to believe she's gone.

_2. Anger_

It's been one week since the news. There's a tiny bit of false hope set in that she could still pop up. Of all the people to go, _why her? _Why does it have to be Clary? Why did she have to die? Why? WHY?!

_Why?_

_Why?_

_Why?_

_Why?_

It chants in my head as I sit in the middle of my room with a picture of me and Clary,.I want to release all this stress. This anger.

I stand up and punch the wall. I kick the dresser to my left. It tips over. I throw everything off my desk onto the floor. I scream. I don't really know why I'm doing this or what I'm doing. I just know it's making me temporarily forget.

_3. Bargaining_

I want to forget. I really do. For a little bit. To forget the pain, the loss, the grief. My room is a mess. I'm still kneeling in the middle of this chaos. I left one spot uncovered in destruction. On the floor where my picture with Clary lays. The eye of the hurricane. I put my head and my hands and cry.

_I want to forget._

I decide to go out. Find someone to help me forget. I'm at a bar. I don't really remember the name. Didn't care. There's this blonde eying me down. I go over. I ask her to come home with me, she says yes.

We're sucking each others' faces when I open the door to my room. She's chanting my name. I think her name's Cynthia. Something like that.

_"__Clary."_

It slips from my lips. This suddenly all feels wrong.

_"__What?"_

_"__I'm sorry. I can't do this. I need you to leave."_

I am so sorry Clary.

_4. Depression_

I can't really remember the last time I left my room since the incident with the blonde. I've eaten twice I think. But I couldn't keep those down. I just sit in my bed.

No emotion.

No sense.

No time.

No life.

Nothing.

I don't know what to do anymore. I've messed up so many times, I don't think I know what's right anymore. It scares me that one can become this. This sorry excuse of a person. Who just sits and becomes useless. I need to know the right answer.

So I just sit.

And wait.

For the right answer.

_5. Acceptance_

When people accept something, it means they understand and they agree with the terms. I don't want to accept. I'm afraid if I forget, I'll forget her. I don't want. Don't make me.

_Please._

But I could never forget. She's too valuable. Too important for me to forget. Why have I been thinking that I could forget someone as unforgettable as Clarissa Morgenstern. I'm so stupid. And so, for the first time in months, I smile. A genuine smile. Not the fake ones I give to assure the people around me that I'm doing fine. Not the smirk that I use to get the looks of women. A real smile that hurts my cheeks and reaches my eyes.

I let go.

I can feel her fingers slip past mine as I let go of my grasp on her.

_I accept._


End file.
